Diverted plane averted

For our 6pm flight from Washington DC Dulles to Rome on Sunday, Malcolm Thomas, the ever savvy globe trotter, arrived to Dulles 8.5 hours early. He actually executed what all of us have thought about (but never pulled the trigger due to logical reasoning): Booking an excruciatingly long layover- when a completely reasonable timed flight was available- in order to save $100.

Malcolm’s Travel Tip #1: “8 hour layovers aren’t worth it. Although, I was able to thoroughly weigh my options before picking out a book at the airport Borders".

Adam and I couldn’t have realized it at the time, but Malcolm’s transcontinental flight was destined for failure..

We arrived to our seats- well within smelling distance of the rear bathrooms- and the person next to me asked if I wanted to switch with her friend in Economy Plus. Confirming the offer, I accepted and sprinted toward the greener pastures 17 inches of leg room, free wine and a general air of superiority.

I didn’t see Malcolm and Adam for the rest of the flight, and only got a second hand rendition of what transpired:

Malcolm’s Travel Tip #2 “If possible, do not mix coffee, bailey’s & sleeping pills on planes”.

Adam had sweet talked the flight attendants into giving him and “his assistant”, Malcolm, several free drinks. About 4 hours into the flight, Malcolm drank a coffee with bailey’s then popped a sleeping pill. (Our first line of questioning was 'Why?' too..)

Soon thereafter, Malcolm was feeling a little dizzy, and decided to walk to the rear galley for water. What he didn’t intend to do was faint in front of the flight attendant.

In Malcolm’s retelling:

Malcolm: (falls to ground.. comes to with Flight Attendants over him)
Flight Attendant #1-“Oh my god, are you’re having a seizure?!”
Mal “I’m not having a seizure”
Flight Attendant #1-“I think you are”
Mal- "I'm not having a seizure" (then silence, knowing arguing won’t get him back to his seat any quicker)

[Interesting thing learned during episode: Flight attendants often show up to work hungover. To combat their hangover, they suck on the oxygen tanks in the cockpit, but not the oxygen tanks in the main cabin, because any time the oxygen is used, it must be recorded and reported to somebody who cares about that. This was learned when Malcolm’s face was buried in the oxygen mask]

Flight Attendant #1-“Are you with anybody?”
Flight Attendant #2- “I know who he’s with” (gets Adam, who she’s been slipping free drinks to all flight)
Adam- (arrives, sees Mal on floor with Oxygen Mask) “Hey buddy, what are you doing on the ground”
Flight Attendant #1- “He passed out. Look at him- he’s sheet white. Not like you” (referring to Adam)
Adam- “Thank you”
Malcolm- “OK, stop right there”

Malcolm’s Travel Tip #3 “It causes me GREAT pain to admit Adam is tanner than me”

Stu's Parent Reconciliation #1-  Mr. & Mrs. Thomas- Malcolm is alive and exceedingly well. I promise.

Mal and Adam became best friends with the flight attendants, who gave them a bottle of wine as a parting gift. Just what Mal needed.

The moral of the story: I am saddled with sadness that Adam didn’t take of pictures.

Multi-tasking. (My pager was buzzing too).