Before Oktoberfest in Munich, Germany we spent 20 glorious hours in Milan. It is rumored that Italy has the most attractive women in the world (Argentina, Brazil may dispute), and further, the most attractive women in Italy live in Milan.
Well, three guys, whether attached or not, must verify this narrow claim.
Adam's ruling: "I need more time"
Stu's ruling: "supermodels make me uneasy"
Malcolm's ruling: "YES!
Everywhere you look there's an attractive girl. And if she's not attractive, then she's wearing many thousands of dollars worth of clothes, and massive deceptorcon classes that hide her face and provide the smoke and mirrors to her visual revival.
On our one night in Milan, Adam, Malcolm and I went to a bar for dinner, and at about 1:30AM, we were about to call it a night. Adam made a move back to the hotel, and I was one step behind him, but Malcolm stood his ground like a dog, mid-poop, when the dog's owner is yanking at him to keep walking.*
Mal plainly said: "Guys, honestly, YOU don't go to Milan and not go to a club"
When the man is right; the man is right. At that moment, a taxi drove by, herded us across the city and 15 minutes later we found ourselves being told by a large bouncer that he could not get us in unless we paid $380 to reserve a table, and even after giving him that amount, we wasn't sure he could get us a table... or in.
Perplexed, we laughed in his face and went to the next club, where I thought it would be beneficial to only speak spanish, since being American had proven an exceedingly efficient way to pay through the teeth when entering clubs. This didn't work at all, since the next guy said he only spoke Italian and English. However, so not to foil my ploy, I continued to speak spanish. This more or less was useless.
Here are the minutes to that convo:
Stu: Hola; queremos entrar... cuantos?
Bouncer: (in perfect english): I speak english.
Stu: hablo espanol solomente... speak little english, yes
Bouncer: You can pay $130 to get a table and a bottle.
Stu: necessito consultar con mis amigos.. un momento por favor
Stu (to Mal & Adam)- He says we can get info $130..
Mal & Adam- We know, he's speaking english.
Stu (to bouncer)- We'll take it!
Malcolm wanting, needing, wooing a cab.
Los Tres Amigos. AKA sweaty dudes dropping Swazy-esque moves on dance floor
Hotel lobby
Milan Daytime activities:
The inscription above the Duomo's front door was interestingly: "Belissima, don't come here and not go to club"
*please note: the dog issue above is a metaphor for Mal's action; he wasn't actually pooping on the sidewalk.
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